Tag: 500 Word Challenge

The adventures of Jelly- LC:T12 To use character, dialogue and action to advance events in narrtive writing.

By 13harrys

One on a snow cold stormy day, Jelly woke up in the mansion named “Robust Mansion” where he lived with his friends, Slogo (Josh) Kwebblekop (Jordi). Kwebblekop and Slogo made fun of Jelly and as Jelly is shorter and other pay tubers made fun of him. Many other pay tubers say he doesn`t know how to count and he did not go to school (which he did go to school) Kwebellkop, Slogo and Jelly made a gang called “Robusts” They made things fun.

It was 23rd of December 2016, it was stormy, wet, cold and there were horizon of snow falling down, the robust gang went out and they were just having fun in the snow until, there were a frozen up pond as you might find in Antarctica. Slogo and Kwebellkop pushed Jelly on it he fell through, Slogo was pulling on him, saying “Haha that is where you belong!” Kwebellkop smiled and leaned down to Jelly “Come up Jelly the short man.” Jelly replied “I can not reach help please!” They both lifted up Jelly, the city shock, there were this bridge, half taken down… A man called “Mike” Slogo talked to him, “Hey man, can we pass?” He replied “Yes you 3 may, my name is Mike but I wear a mask for skin condition (But, he were lying…) They all there went back to the robust mansion. It was 4pm so they all decided to play Minecraft mods and they made 2 videos (as they upload 2 videos per day on pay tube). They all got 100,000 likes and 101,000 views but Jelly had 2,000,000 likes and 2,000,000 views. Slogo got more pay subs by 10 so now he has 7,120,000 pay subs and Jelly had increased by 2,000,000 so now he has 18,444,442 pay subs. Kwebellkop increased by 10,000 so know he has 10,170,000. It was 11pm they all went to bed…

It was the next day, they was going to be making a vlog but, someone knocked on the door, the wan was jumping up and down as he shock Slogo pushed the door open. Slogo said “Hello, who are you and what do you want?! He replied quietly “quick! I need you all to go and adventure!” They talked about the details… Jelly, Slogo and Kwebellkop got changed into some camo adventure gear they had been given, Kwebellkop had to wear a girls one. Jelly and Slogo was making weird funny faces…. They all set of but Kwebellkop sneakily ran home they had go pros on they were doing vlogs, Kwebellkop hacked into the go pros and watched… The snow had lost some of its strength and it was warmer then it was before, they left the town the town was called pigs worth the mayor was called mayor pigs worth.. They only had found out it were a troll, Kwebellkop rushed and picked them up, Jelly and Slogo kicked Kwebellkop out of the group made a new friend called Cranier, Kwebellkop moved out they kicked him out. They did not they never seen him never met….

A very inventive story with lots of imagination.  Check through for sentence punctuation and also write an interesting Hook” sentence or short paragraph to open your story.

LC:T12 To use character, dialogue and action to advance events in narrative writing.

By 13kayleighp

Maddie wasn’t like other girls. She loved blood. I know this doesn’t sound that weird but she would always having nightmares, always screaming in the night, shouting help! There was a swing in our garden, Maddie would always be outside on the swing or cutting heads off Barbie dolls.

Maddie would always tell me her nightmares. One of her nightmares were real… She would always have dreams about her dad dying on Friday 13th but coming back to life again. It was true he did.. but he will never back alive. I ever wonder if all of her nightmares are real? Lately she is having nightmares where she goes to the bathroom by herself, she comes out with someone and there is blood all over her hands. She was never nervous or scared by the nightmares that she was experiencing, it was like she wanted them to happen. 

Today was her first day at school. I felt like this would be a great opportunity for her since she had never been to school before. When she got home she said “Mum I had fun today, I got blood from lots of kids at school.” I acted like I didn’t know, since I’m a witch I can watch people whenever and wherever. I watch her throughout the whole days. 

It was the next day and she went to school all by herself. I didn’t think that it was great idea but something inside was telling me to let her do whatever she wanted. She went to the bathroom all by herself as usual but when she went in I knew that this was the day that her nightmare was going to happen. For some reason I just watched it happen without doing anything. It was like someone was controlling me. Maddie looked up and said I know your watching me mum. I have wanted to do this for ages but you would never leave me alone. I couldn’t even move to try and stop her.

I finally realised her nightmares were things that she wanted to happen. Why would she want her dad to die though? What did he ever do to her, he would always help her with everything. It looked like she was trying to summon something. Was it her dad!? I realised all that blood Maddie took from kids in her school was because she wanted to try and get her dad back. I guess her nightmares were things that she wanted to happen. But why would she have a dream that her dad dies on Friday 13th?

She came home with her dad and she apologized for everything that she had done. All she wanted was to get her dad back. Dad seemed very different, it was like he didn’t even realise me. What had she done to him and why?I asked her why did she want her dad die on Friday 13th and then just bring him back to life? She said… 

 

I love the “hook” into your story and the idea of a girl who loved blood is dark, ominous and very exciting.  To make the story even more exciting, introduce the idea of how dad died or how he came back to life and develop the storyline problem about this other than the many questions (one example “why would she have a dream that her dad dies on Friday 13th?)  you ask but don’t have answers to in the story.

Number 666 – LC: T12 To use character, dialogue and action to advance events in narrative writing

By 13qianqianz

In an isolated mansion,mom is drinking again as usual whilst the girl listens to the historical news( unknown creatures are found on Earth) . Alone and depressed, mom consumes alcohol as usual to wipe away the unforgiving memories of dad’s death. The girl announces the message to mom , but mom is unbothered and convinces the girl that it’s fake.Dad’s death during the business trip has affected the relationship between mom and the girl notably however the girl is yet independent without the care of typical parents.

At night, the girl goes to her room however she sees something floating in the air… A pair of dahlia red piercing dots floats in mid-air in the corridor connected to the girl’s bedchamber . Every single night, she always sees those dots but she never had the courage to inform her mother. After a few days, she can hear footsteps and voices demanding her to go in the forbidden attic, where her father orders her to never go there. What is in there?With all the eagerness to discover the truth behind the strange voice, she decides to follow the voice into the attic…

She finds an aged metallic key, which is submerged in dust and cobwebs , she blemished off the dirt until her fingers revealed a number-666 . Since then, things have changed a lot … The sound gets closer and closer every night until one night, the dots are seen in her bedroom…

This time it doesn’t just stay there, it moves… It seems to be searching for something and it reveals to be a shadowy figure with soulless ruby eyes.The girl tries escape out of bed as she is horrified but something won’t let her… As she looks down at her shaking legs, a pair of obsidian black and bloody hands like claws is clawing onto her. She screams in horror but nobody is there to help her…Helplessly, she holds onto the key and escapes for help. Trembling in fear, the unknown figure stabs it’s claws into her shoulder leaving an open wound on her. The girl quivers down the stairs whilst dripping blood onto the marble floor.

She notices that the creature’s hearing ability is strong and so it heard mom’s snoring and headed toward her room. She screams to attract the creature however it has poorly eye sight so it hit itself with a shovel. After it was knocked out ,  the girl quickly dialed 999 on the phone and reported the incident. Luckily ,mom woke up from her screaming and went down stairs to seeing a bloody scene.They hide in the garage to discuss the situation , they had figured out  that dad’s death was related to the creature because dad was the one who had the key and his laboratory is numbered 666. Then the police came and handled the scene and explained that the key was able to open a laboratory with the cells of its own kind.

Life then had returned normal once again…But the key had still remained, what would happen next?

This is a very dark story, Qian Qian but you have created a believable narration (storyteller) throughout and the ending is satisfiying but with the extra cliff- hanger question.  Be careful, as we talked about, not to use words from the thesaurus unless you are completely confident in their meaning.  Be true to your writing and your own vocabulary choices.