captain log
can you hear me ?
I am captain of the *static* ship
I need help on the plane, o now help me ahhhh !!!!!!
*end of log*

The ship crashed on may the 4, 2109 this is my first day hear on planet 1457 or in over words ,the star, I fond a plasma rocket and one day hear is like ten at home. I don’t know if some one else survived the crash I only survived because I was pushed in to a holding cell for crazy people what was padded. ooo no! they are corner in me!!! ow no heellp !!!!!!!!!

“o what is this. a log oo god he was killed on the spot”.said magma

a tree falls down and he runs like he finds a abandon building witch he wonders into and finds a thing of power a shell suit it only needs power “I fond it I fond it the one item we were looking for I fond the place. magma your so lucked”  

“yeah but you weren’t the first” they shoot in the air” “who are you   

“I am magma. I am from the ship that crashed roughly yester day”

then a tribe comes in and attacks with bows speers and a copal with old diner mite and they fort great but they were to out numbered so they were damaged mentally and theistically their only option was to surrender or die they chose dying raver then been eaten alive. so the stranger was shot and he slowly watch as the glass cracked and she was finally pout to rest with a fiery death and the people ran and started to eat her remains the gore was on the walls and her blood was on him the wales the ceiling as well as on the face of him and on their face’s and they approach him but their was a flash of lite and….

 

TO BE CONTINUED

A good “hook” into the story.Liam but you have overused the speech throughout to tell the story.  If you narrate the story with only a little dialogu to interest the reader but with more descriptions and character development, this would make this story more interesting. I also need you to write another 150 words to complete your story.