I’m when I am older, I want to be a footballer.This is because I love doing football and I’m very good at it. Also,I would like to be a dancer because dancing is my favourite thing to do and it makes me so happy .I dream of one of these careers because I really love to do them and I think it will keep me happy and healthy. I can achieve to be a footballer by studying biology and PE when I’m older. I can achieve to be a dancer by going to dancing clubs and practicing everyday. Also, if I do become a dancer, I will be very good at it because I already have the KEY skill to dancing,I have flexibility.This is because I used to be a gymnast for 3 or 4 years and I got very good at it and I was very flexible.Also if I was a footballer, I would also be very good at it because I have the KEY skill,I have strong feet and legs and lots of feet control.This is because the 2 years I have been doing football and the 2-3 years I was doing swimming.I hope to  do one of these things when I’m older. That would be a dream come true!

Wonderful writing, Lexie.  You have described each of these careers well and explained why you woud be excellent at them.

Dear warden,                                                                                                             Camp Green Lake,

Big bends texas

My son ,Stanley Yelnats,sent me a letter on June the 21st last week and I’m horrified of what he said! The abuse trauma and danger he is going through is despicable.  I’m  having sleepless nights and painfull migraines over the stress, worry and state I’m in .What  right do you have to treat my son this way?Why do you think this is ok?When he sent me this letter, I almost passed out I was in so much shock!

Tell me, why is it that you treat sanely as a hopeless slave? Why do you make him dig  holes 5ft deep and 5ft wide every day! It kills me to think my son could be in so much pain all the time. What nerve have you got to treat my son like a hopeless slave? Also don’t even think to say you can change his life if this is your example. All they need is somone to look up to and this is all you can offer .He also said that he’s not getting on with the other boys too well so you have to sort out that problem to. I’m distraught that you do this to Stanley.

the slavery and digging is unessersairy ! Such bad sun burns and blisters can cause skin cancer! So if my son or any other of the boys get really sick , its your fault and you will have some very angry parents on your back and ALOT of letters!

If this problem is not resolved , if you don’t treat Stanley Yelnats properly , and if you don’t take this  seriously , I will be seeking legal advice and shall be seeing you in quart and I will be with my loyer! I’m giving you a fair 2 weeks to apoligise to my son and I other wise you’ll be in quart with me and will have to explain your self to the judge. I should be hearing from you soon,

Yours faithfully, Lexie Yelnats.

I panicked uncontrollably as I got dragged further and further away from my home… I screamed and cried but nobody cared or even noticed, it was as such I was invisible… My world was spinning and the only 2 words I could mumble  out underneath my tears was SAVE ME! I had just came to the conclusion that I was being kidnaped! I immediately jumped out of the van and started running for my life. I didn’t even care where I was I just wanted to get away from any where near the van. I ran so far I passed out! Little did I know the shock that was awaiting me the next day……

I was awakened by the blazing hot sun early in the morning. I wasn’t sure of where I was until I looked around and I was in the middle of the desert! You see, I wasn’t worried because when I was a little girl, me and granny would always come to this desert, it was one of our places we would go to all the time. So  I  new this place well(atleast that’s what I thought…)when I was little we didn’t really go that deep into the desert for my own safety reasons and that’s when I got really worried. it had  been 2 hours  already and I was clueless about where I was going. I had never been to that part of the desert before and just new I was in big danger! I was lost in this vast desert and was never going to get out! I was tring to be realistic and was thinking of every last detail I had learnt about an desert in school and also more about this desert. Fortunately, I had  grabbed a bottle of water from the van before I escaped but there wasn’t a lot so I had to vairy my every sip I took. As minuets  turned into hours and hours turned into days I struggled to function. I doubt enyone was even looking for me after all, I lived with my Grandma and she cant really help because I bet she didn’t even notice I was gone… not like she would care anyways…..

it had been about 4 days and I saw a car coming towards me! This was one of the most happiest times of my life and saddest at the same time. you’ll see why once  I tell you…..The car was coming strait at me! I thought I was going to be saved! I was screaming with all my energy to try and get them to notice me but the drove right by me….. all my hope was lost at that point… that was the worst moment of my life! It took so  much energy out of me and just wanted to disopeir! I didn’t want to spend anymore time stuck in the desert….2 weeks late police car was driving around and I was running towads it  spotted me and saved my life! this is a story to warn people to be AWARE of KIDNAPING…

I love the “hook” into the story and you have created an engaging and exciting adventure story. You develop the problem of escape well and then have the twist at the end. Very inventive.  To make it even better, check through to make sure each sentence is punctuated correctly and add more description to different aspects of the story to develop atmosphere and emotion.