LC: T12 To use character, dialogue and action to advance events in narrative writing

The Suspicion Of The Murder


The day switched off. Wolves howling, creatures hiding, the full moon glowing in the night sky…

The clock fully stroke midnight. All of a sudden, an unexpected noise was heard from the distance…getting louder…and louder…

Was it a bomb? Or was it just our imagination?

But no. This cant be! Well, this leads to only one thing…

It turned out that this was coming from the Haunted Castle of Horror. People don’t even DARE to enter this horrifying place. When you take one step in this castle, you never come back.

There was a special event for the vampires; they gave birth to a beautiful, nasty daughter. She laid her head on the cot, which most likely came from the attic. Her parents named her, Teresa Finlago.

After Teresa’s birth, her parents (Cortney and Hamis Finlago) were often away, getting involved in fights and murder mysteries.

A few years past, and Teresa was a teenager with the age of 17. She had  grown up to be a malicious, cruel, malevolent woman. She was spoilt by her parents; all of these crimes going on in her life. Without a second thought, it was time for Teresa herself to experience it all. Although, not everything came out how she was expecting….

It was an ordinary night, like any other. It must have been busy in the Castle of Horrors, but no. There was silence…complete silence.

At 3am (the devil’s hour), a sudden threat of noise came out. All who lived near by were startled of the scream that was heard.

The next morning, Teresa awoke and went to her parents room to check out how they’re doing. As she took a step into the dusty room, Teresa immediately noticed a drip of fine, clean blood fall onto the white carpet. She looked up. Cortney and Hamis Finlago were not responding to their own daughter. Teresa’s eyes, filled with tears, had that worried look on her face. The parents were silent, and no breathing could be heard. This could only lead to one thing; another crime of suspicious murder was committed.

Once more, the voices echoed in her mind, “Kill Ones Who Have Nothing To Give But A Guilt In Their Soul.” These words repeated a few times, but the sound slowly faded away. For the first time in her life, SHE felt the guilt in her soul.

Today, everyone is able to visit this place, but the history about the life of Teresa Finlago changed many lives, and the land of Recusa will never stay the same…


Well done Vicky- a very well structured story and you have written using a wide range of sentence types, a good range of descriptive vocabulary and you have used lots of different punctuation to emphasise parts of your story.  

To make this story even better, develop the problem (the legend of Teresa) so that something changes for her by the end of the story.