I’m when I am older, I want to be a footballer.This is because I love doing football and I’m very good at it. Also,I would like to be a dancer because dancing is my favourite thing to do and it makes me so happy .I dream of one of these careers because I really love to do them and I think it will keep me happy and healthy. I can achieve to be a footballer by studying biology and PE when I’m older. I can achieve to be a dancer by going to dancing clubs and practicing everyday. Also, if I do become a dancer, I will be very good at it because I already have the KEY skill to dancing,I have flexibility.This is because I used to be a gymnast for 3 or 4 years and I got very good at it and I was very flexible.Also if I was a footballer, I would also be very good at it because I have the KEY skill,I have strong feet and legs and lots of feet control.This is because the 2 years I have been doing football and the 2-3 years I was doing swimming.I hope to  do one of these things when I’m older. That would be a dream come true!

Wonderful writing, Lexie.  You have described each of these careers well and explained why you woud be excellent at them.

As Coraline stepped down the dark spooky corridor filled with cob webs and spiders she headed to the kitchen, she had a weird feeling in her stomach, but she took a deep breath and gulped hard so she kept on going. She had to take one more step until she was in the scary dull kitchen, she took one big step and she just stood in the very creepy door way and looked at the other mother straight into her face. She had a very sketchy feeling when she was walking down the disgusting corridor and she was right there was something off, as she looked into to her “other” mothers scary face she saw something that really freaked her out. Coraline started to feel funny in her stomach she got really scared when she saw her “other” mother had big black buttons as her eyes, Coraline told her that she is not her mother because her mother doesn’t have buttons but she was so scared she couldn’t speak properly. For the first time, in her life she saw something as frightening as someone with big black buttons on their eyes. Coraline looked like she couldn’t move or speak so was in such shock. Coraline thought that this place was amazing and fun but it’s all different. Coraline “other” mother told her to go get her “other” father for dinner, he also had buttons, everyone who lived there had buttons on their eyes even Coraline dolly she went to bed with. Just as she was thinking at the dinner table how fun it is here her “other” parents lifted put her plate of food and handed her a cake which said “welcome home Coraline.” After they had finished their dinner Coraline’s “other” told her she can step here but she only has to do one thing, and that one thing was to put buttons on her eyes. 

A very descriptive passage, Livia. For this scene, I think Coraline is very happy and excited about this new, colourful world until she realises the mother has buttons for eyes. It’s at this point she realises it is not a nice place. Please go back through and begin by using positive descriptions of the place. Then when Coraline meets her “other” mother, then you can describe the unsettling, uncomfortable feelings, which you have created perfectly but at the start. 

One night Caroline was sleeping and woke up from a squeaking noise under her bed. She looked under and found a mouse. Then! Mysteriously the mouse ran out of the room, so she followed it. When she was on the stair case she looked out of the window, seeing a spiral going around and around. She followed the mouse further. Then the mouse went into little door that she never noticed before, she was amazed! She opened the little door and found a tunnel. The wind was whistling through the tunnel. When she went in, it just went silent, hearing nothing each way around her. When she came to the other side, she opened the door and found herself in an identical world of her house.

Great descriptions today and you’ve led the reader through the scene using adverbials and conjunctions.

To uplevel this writing now, add some descriptions of how Coraline is feeling- is she excited and happy to go into this new world or is she worried and anxious about it?

As Coraline walked through the house, the catching smell of food came into her nose. It made her want to go into the kitchen, but suddenly, her “mother” turned and told her, “Sit down, supper’s almost ready.” Coraline stuttered, as if she was speechless, those black buttoned eyes caught her eyes. She was confused, her mother never had buttoned eyes. She got scared and said, “You’re not my mother.” The “mother” assumed she was and told her to sit down instantly so then she could have her supper.

After supper, Coraline got in her pajamas and came to see her “Dad” he was in the piano room, talking to himself, he turned around and saw Coraline. Again, she stuttered, just looking at his eyes, she knew that this wasn’t her family. Just then, on top of the piano, some hands came out and started to play. The “Dad” sang a song, as the hands danced around her. Then the hands turned into gloves and his hands were put into it. It made him play the piano, as he sang a song. Again, she was really confused, she had no idea what was happening in the world she was living in.

What was happening? What caused her to do this? Will she be able to fix it?

A super piece of writing, Karen, very well- described and you have used some adverbials to lead the reader through the scene. Yo have told me on various occasions how Coraline is feeling- ” unsettled”, “confused” etc. To uplevel this, you could also show this in the way she behaves- eg “shudders in disgust” or “her face drops in alarm” etc.  Show her feelings (through her behavior) rsther than telling as this draws the reader to sympathise with her even more.

As the Coraline opened the huge gates,she felt happiness and relief in her body.After she opened the gates,bright orange birds came flying around as they were really excited.She followed the birds as they were showing her around.

Walking down the hard path,beautiful plants start growing,as the bird were flying all the way around.How can these flowers do this? Beaming red flowers started to light up which were as beautiful as the colour red.Usually the other world wasn’t like this ,but this world is bright,colourful and gleaming.Why can’t the other world be like this?

Later,the cheery birds flew away and randomly flowers started growing on the rock that was on the floor.Dazzling ,blue flowers also started growing on the rock ,as the were as blue as the night sky.

AS her dad from the other world offered to go with him on the grasshopper,she flew up in the sky as she saw her own face on the ground.Gorgeous red flowers came up as it was really bright.Who knew I would like this?

A detailed description of the scene and you have used different adverbials really well to “walk the reader” through the scene as Coraline does. Also  try to set the atmosphere that things are unsettling and uncomfortable for Coraline in this scene too. 

Is it okay to give something dangerous, if it may help one day?

A moment ago, we saw a picture of a story about a king who decided to give away a dangerous pet, which is a dragon, to his twins. The dragon is supposed to help them rule one day as kings sharing their kingdoms. The dragon will be a good ally of theirs and will help with ruling their kingdom. The king knew that the dragon will be dangerous, but it was worth the risk to help them make ruling their kingdom easier. All of this led us to one question, “Is it okay to give something dangerous, if it could help them one day?”

In my opinion, I think the king has made the right choice. This is because this will develop the responsibilities of the twins and will show that being King is is not easy and comes with many responsibilities. There are many ways to make the dragon safe if the dragon decides to be dangerous, so it will be perfect for the twins to have a dragon that could scare off offending enemies. The dragon will make ruling the kingdom much easier as the kids can focus on their duties and the dragon defending them and their kingdom. It might be a weapon for the children, but at least the weapon has low chances of being triggered against themselves. This weapon would be a toy gun in their perspective, and a heavy gun for other kingdoms. This is why kings will focus on attacking easier kingdoms rather than attacking a large kingdom with multiple allies on their side. The dragon might have to defend the kingdom when attackers attack the kingdom.

However there is an issue, the dragon can not help that much, so why give something potentially dangerous if it has no major use? Following on, there will be 2 kings as the same times, so they will be doing double the work, what will the dragon do that time? The twins will be doing the responsibilities and work two times faster. So there is no need for a pet if they are going to be busy doing their responsibilities while the dragon is doing nothing. Why should the king rely on a pet that will not help that much and waste their time instead of doing major things such as improving the kingdom. The dragon is also useless because it poses a serious danger to people the dragon may not know and may be new citizens. The dragon may be panicked and will be trying to destroy the citizen and thinks that it is an attacker.

In my opinion, I agree with the second paragraph: Not giving them a dragon. A dragon is a waste of time to take care of and they will need to hire people to take care of him, instead of the people have better jobs while the dragon does nothing. The dragon might protect, but there are such things that can also do it like an army. My advice for the king is to give the twins a better gift than this. As it might help in childhood, but in adulthood it will not. What is your opinion on this argument? Do you have a different response?

You have made very clear arguments for both sides of this discussion; detailing points well with evidence on both sides. You then conclude by making your reasoning clear on your opinion in the final paragraph. An excellent piece of writing, Daivam which uses a  good range of Year 6 writing skills too.

Recently, we saw an image that was based on a story about a king who had gifted his children a dragon on their fifth birthday. Despite the King knowing that the dangers of the dragon could harm the children, he hoped if he gave the children the dragon then they would train it and one day the dragon would be able to protect them. Do you think this was okay? Or do you think this is to much of a risk to take?

This has lead us to disscus the question, “is it okay to gift someone something dangerous, if it could help them one day?”

I looked into depth on weapons and I chose to research about a specific weapon which was a gun. I researched different kinds of stories that involved guns.  One of the stories I read was that a man had been given a gun and one day his son and his nephew found the gun and started playing with it.  They didn’t know that it was loaded and the little boy accidentally shot his cousin in the arm.  Luckily the boy lived but this just shows how dangerous guns can be and I am certain that this proves my point of why I think you should not gift someone something dangerous even though it could help them in the future, so i strongly disagree. 

Following on from this point I decided to do some extensive research and I found some compelling evidence based on facts and figures.  CBS reported that on average 114,328 people are killed in America each year and in 2019 there was 417 mass shootings, the highest number since 2014. I think this just goes to show how dangerous guns can be. I feel very strongly that to gift somebody something that has the ability to take a life is irresponsible. 

In America there is a huge divide between people that think it should be ok to own a gun to protect yourself and people that think guns should be banned altogether.  I believe that I have given some good reasons based on my research as to why it is not ok to gift someone something dangerous.  Even though guns can be used to protect yourself, I feel the figures show that guns are extremely dangerous and too many people have died from being shot.  After reading everything I’ve researched and seen how many people have lost their lives each year because of guns, do you think guns should be banned?  Would you ever own a gun?

Some very detailed, thought- out points, Elle and you have very clear views on dragons as well as the dangers of guns too. 

Throughout this week , we have been covering the story of a king’s risky decision of gifting his children a pet dragon for their fifth birthday. Regardless of the dangers, the king still concludes to gifting his children a pet dragon as he understands that the twins would have to reign across the kingdom one day ,meaning that the dragon would become a practical ally.This contributes us to the question,“Is it okay to gift someone something dangerous, if it could help them one day?”

We all know what a beneficial pet dragon is capable of doing, however there are safer and simpler ways to protect the twins. I do not approve gifting someone something dangerous for future uses is acceptable as there must be countless times where the dangerous thing could be disastrous and deadly.Rather than having painful troubles now, I believe that it is unnecessary.

I do not get the point of gifting somebody something that may cause destruction daily for a possibility of the dangerous thing to help them one day in the future.Having something threatening to shield you isn’t always the most secure way to protect,by the cause of a dragon’s violence.It is a fire-breathing deadly beast that all shall fear; not an expected adorable obeying little puppy.On the other hand, if it does behave, you will still never learn to be independent and determine danger when alone by relying on a dragon. Guarding his children from the outside real world , the children would never have any useful skills for when they are mature.The dragon is like a barrier that blocks the children from succeeding in the society, as nobody wants to live in a kingdom that a dragon controls… All the citizens of the kingdom won’t trust and rely on their king, if the king himself is relying on a dragon.

We all have different opinions on whether the argument for this issue is for or against,however there are sufficient amounts of evidence to make me believe that it is not okay to gift someone something dangerous, though you may suppose that is could help them one day.From the perspective that I am standing at right now, I admit that the King should really consider his options before taking the risk, but pick out a suitable and necessary gift for the children’s fifth birthday.After my acknowledgements created for this issue, what is your opinion on the matter? Do you think this is okay?

Very well done, Qian Qian. A detailed, expanded piece of writing with very clear points, good use of Year 6 writing skills and relevant vocabulary.  Brilliant work!