As Coraline stepped down the dark spooky corridor filled with cob webs and spiders she headed to the kitchen, she had a weird feeling in her stomach, but she took a deep breath and gulped hard so she kept on going. She had to take one more step until she was in the scary dull kitchen, she took one big step and she just stood in the very creepy door way and looked at the other mother straight into her face. She had a very sketchy feeling when she was walking down the disgusting corridor and she was right there was something off, as she looked into to her “other” mothers scary face she saw something that really freaked her out. Coraline started to feel funny in her stomach she got really scared when she saw her “other” mother had big black buttons as her eyes, Coraline told her that she is not her mother because her mother doesn’t have buttons but she was so scared she couldn’t speak properly. For the first time, in her life she saw something as frightening as someone with big black buttons on their eyes. Coraline looked like she couldn’t move or speak so was in such shock. Coraline thought that this place was amazing and fun but it’s all different. Coraline “other” mother told her to go get her “other” father for dinner, he also had buttons, everyone who lived there had buttons on their eyes even Coraline dolly she went to bed with. Just as she was thinking at the dinner table how fun it is here her “other” parents lifted put her plate of food and handed her a cake which said “welcome home Coraline.” After they had finished their dinner Coraline’s “other” told her she can step here but she only has to do one thing, and that one thing was to put buttons on her eyes. 

A very descriptive passage, Livia. For this scene, I think Coraline is very happy and excited about this new, colourful world until she realises the mother has buttons for eyes. It’s at this point she realises it is not a nice place. Please go back through and begin by using positive descriptions of the place. Then when Coraline meets her “other” mother, then you can describe the unsettling, uncomfortable feelings, which you have created perfectly but at the start. 

Although I do not often talk about it, I have quite a few talents. One talent I have is making my friends and family laugh at school.  I normally joke and make my friends laugh because I don’t want to be made fun of by people I do not play with at school. I have always loved making my friends laugh because I don’t like seeing my friends sad. Even when my friends are crying, I try to make them laugh by telling them a joke that I hope will make them stop crying. I think I get my sense of humour from both of my parents but I can be a bit shy around new people. Around my friends I feel more secure when I’m saying a joke of making them laugh because I know they won’t make fun of me because they find me funny. Since I can’t tell them jokes face to face now I try to make my friends laugh when I’m on FaceTime with them. Another one of my talents is doing tricks on the trampoline.  I have always liked trying new flips and tricks since I have gotten a new trampoline. I found it very fun to do in the summer holidays and I have gotten better over time because at the start I couldn’t land a front flip or a front hand spring but after some time of practicing I have been able to land both of these tricks on a trampoline. Now, I find the front tricks very easy to land and do them but I have always wanted to do backflips and back hand springs. I have found these tricks very fascinating to watch on YouTube because they look cool and I have always wanted to try to do them. I watch a lot of tutorials on how to do them. I also have one more talent and it’s building. In the future I would love to be an architect because I find designing houses very fascinating; not only to do but also watch videos about designing. I like to build in a game I play and the houses normally turn out nice if I put my mind to it. In my opinion, I think when you build, it uses a lot of your time which makes you less bored  and it also calms you down. The best thing about it is that you can build any house your imagination holds.

I have many loves and passions. I love to bake with my family as it makes me really happy and I find baking really fun to do because, at this type of time, we can get very bored and we have nothing to do. When I bake with my family, it makes me happy and I feel less bored, which is good. I also love colouring because it calms me down but, it is much more fun when you’re doing it with some friends or family. Over the summer holidays, I loved going out with my friends to the park for a couple of hours and just hanging out. This made me really happy because I got to spend quality time with my friends. I love it when my friends and my family come around to my house to spend some time  and we get to play together. When my family and friends are not able to come over, I still spend time with them either or the phone or I play games with them, such as Fortnite or Roblox. I really enjoy playing games with my friends because when I can’t see them I’m still able to contact them and play some games with them. I do agree hanging out with friends and family face to face instead of games and FaceTiming is way more fun.

I’m only eleven at the moment, but when I’m older I have many dreams and hopes I would like to achieve. I have always wanted to learn how to drive as I have always found it interesting. It has always been my dream to  have my own car and drive to places on my own or with my friends and family. I want to learn how to drive as soon as possible because I want to feel the feeling of being able to drive to any places you want. I am also interested in cars, which makes me want to drive even more! I have many dreams and another one of them is getting my dream job which is being an architect (I find building and designing houses very fascinating and calming.) At the moment, I can not be an architect because I’m not old enough yet, so I play this game where you can build any type of house you want and that your imagination holds. That’s why I love architecture so much, because you are free to design whatever you want if your designing something for yourself. If you are designing something for someone else instead of you, you need to listen to what your clients imagination holds instead of yours which is still very fun to do because you’re not doing it for yourself. you’re doing it for someone else. I would also love to do that with a passion because I would love to see what other people’s style in architecture is. If I do get my dream job, then I would love to design my own house.

Lonely, Isolated and missing loved ones – Does this sound familiar to you? Well all around the United Kingdom and around the globe, families and close friends have been separated due to lockdown because of the Coronavirus outbreak. Although people know being separated is the right thing to do, many people are starting to feel lonely because no one is by their side at the moment and they are starting to understand the feeling of being separated from their family and friends. Children kept away from cousins, Grandparents separated from Grandchildren and closed loved ones locked behind doors. Even though we have apps to contact our friends and family it is not the same feeling when your seeing them through a phone and seeing them in real life this is people you can’t hug them on the phone you can’t play games together on the phone. Can you? While in real life you can do all them things when you see them. My name is Livia and I would like to introduce you to the “Cheering up letter” this letter has a little sentence on it that should make someone feel a bit  more happy for the day on the letter it says “ To friends and family, I miss you so much I hope your feeling well and doing good.” I have made this type of letter/ picture so you can send it to your friends and family so they know that they are not forgotten by the close and loved ones!

The “cheering up poster” has been designed to make someone in a good mood and to cheer them up! There is a big variety of colours to choose from for the colour you want your poster to be. This poster is meant to make someone’s day without having to see them so when you are buying a poster you will not be charged any money, this is because the poster should make one of your friends or family happy, and a smile from a loved one is priceless so we are making the posters free! You could even take a picture of one of the posters and text it to the people you miss. The posters are very good quality posters with many cute designs to choose from. There is also the “extreme cheering up poster” although this poster does cost 20p it’s really worth the price, on the extreme poster the is a little pouch full of little happy and inspiring quotes you could even find some treats in there but, the pouch isn’t just the only thing that makes it different from the normal posters there is also a button on it and when you press it, it will either say “I miss you” or it will start playing a little happy song. So it is worth buying the “cheering up poster” or the “extreme cheering up poster” to make your day or someone else’s day!

Although speaking over the phone or using video chat to talk with someone Is something that lots of families are doing at this time, the “cheering up poster” offers something different. This poster is a way to not to call your family and friends everyday you can just send a picture of your poster through a text, it is a way to show family and friends that you are still thinking about them across the day. You may phone family and friends once a day, or even once a week mainly when you have time for a conversation. But with the “cheering up poster” or the “extreme cheering up poster” whenever you’re feeling forgotten or lonely, or your just missing someone you can use the poster to cheer yourself up or you could send someone a picture of it he amazing poster! You don’t need news to tell them, or the time for a long chat – you just need the time to cheer someone up!

Wonderful work, Livia and you have upleveled and improved this excellent piece of writing all week!  I love the way you have chosen specific vocabulary to persuade and you have structured ec sentence carefully to entice your audience (the dragons) to buy your product. You should be rightfully proud of this work.

Lonely, Isolated and missing loved ones – Does this sound familiar to you? Well all around the United Kingdom and around the globe, families and close friends have been separated due to lockdown because of the Coronavirus outbreak. Although people know being separated is the right thing to do, many people are starting to feel lonely because no one is by their side at the moment and they are starting to understand the feeling of being separated from their family and friends. Children kept away from cousins, Grandparents separated from Grandchildren and closed loved ones locked behind doors. Even though we have apps to contact our friends and family it is not the same feeling when your seeing them through a phone and seeing them in real life this is people you can’t hug them on the phone you can’t play games together on the phone. Can you? While in real life you can do all them things when you see them. My name is Livia and I would like to introduce you to the “Cheering up letter” this letter has a little sentence on it that should make someone feel a bit  more happy for the day on the letter it says “ To friends and family, I miss you so much I hope your feeling well and doing good.” I have made this type of letter/ picture so you can send it to your friends and family so they know that they are not forgotten by the close and loved one! 

Well done, Livia. This is great work and we discussed it on Seesaw.

The “cheering up poster” has been designed to make someone is a good mood and to cheer them up! There is a big variety of colours to choose from for the colour you want your poster to be. This poster is meant to make someone’s day without having to see them so when you are buying a poster you will not be charged any money, this is because the poster should make one of your friends or family happy, and a smile from a loved one is priceless so we are making the posters free! You could even take a picture of one of the posters and text it to the people you miss. The posters are very good quality posters with many cute designs to choose from. There is also the “extreme cheering up poster” although this poster does cost 20p it is really worth the price. On the extreme poster the is a little pouch full of little happy and inspiring quotes you could even find some treats in there but, the pouch isn’t just the only thing that makes it different from the normal posters there is also a button on it and when you press it, it will either say “I miss you” or it will start playing a little happy song. So it is worth buying the “cheering up poster” or the “extreme cheering up poster” to make your day or someone else’s day!

Very clear, persuasive ideas today Livia and you haveused some subordinate clauses in this work. Remember to punctuate the clauses with commas. I have highlighted one sentence where you have written the subordinate clause but need to add the comma.  Also the word is is highlighted as the sentence doesn’t make sense.

Life is very hard for everyone right now especially ones that are sick. We are all in lockdown because of the coronavirus. This virus is a new virus that has been found that’s why everyone is freaking out right now. They say they might find a cure in a year but we never know what the future holds, we might get a cure before that time but, on the other hand we might not but, we need to keep our positive thoughts.

Coronavirus is taking over the world right now, everyone could catch it. It spreads person to person very quickly so we can’t go out and see our friends even our family that don’t live with you. This is why we need to stay at home and be safe, we only need to go out to buy necessary things like food and things to help you with hygiene.

There are many things you could do during lockdown, you could do some exercises in your garden, colour, read books, bake and build a blanket tent. There are loads of cool and fun things to keep you happy during this difficult time everyone is going through at this moment in life.

Exercises in your back garden or house are very useful to do right now because everyone has to sit inside many gyms and exercise places are also closed because of this so we all need to take care of our bodies at home.

I have been doing lots of things with my family like baking, playing games and much more. I love FaceTiming or texting my friends to still be in contact with them and if their feeling well and heathy.

 

Excellent writing, Livia with some very well written fats about all our ives at the moment. I particularly like your positive message at the end about how to keep healthy and occupied with your list of things we can all do. Well done!

My adventure started in the middle of the night, when I saw a little old cottage in the corner of my eyes, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to go inside but I felt the need to. At that moment I thought I had made a mistake, Even though I knew I would risk my life I didn’t let that stop me. I faced the fear I had and took a step closer to the cottage, I was surprised when I realised the door was open, I took a couple more steps. Shortly after I took more and more steps until I reached the door. I went inside I couldn’t  even describe the interior it looked like a haunted house with creaky  floors and spiders inside.

As I walked up the terrifying stairs I saw the scariest thing I had ever seen I thought I was just dreaming but I wasn’t I saw some weird person he looked like a zombie little did I know it was a zombie. I reached out to grab my mobile the time was 3am that made me even more curious I didn’t know what to do, I tried to take a step back but the floor deck creaked with a loud noise, he returned to the stairs and saw me. Me and him made a short time of eye contact he looked like he was about to grab me. His hands were green and he had super long nails I was terrified I didn’t want to run away I thought he would probably chase after me!

A few minutes later he disappeared within the thin air I took a few steps up the stairs to see if he had gone, but he really did disappear I started walking around the upstairs I found myself in a room. There was a girl inside of it I was shocked and didn’t know if she was dead or sleeping I presumed she was sleeping because she kept saying “come back” I didn’t know what she meant I knew this place was haunted. I quickly left the room filled with terror, then I went inside a different room to explore. This time there was a lady sitting on her bed her eyes were plain white I shook her to see if she was okay she replied with a very deep voice saying “yes why are you in my house” I had no idea what to reply with I said “I’m your daughters friend” I knew she was suspicious she then continued saying “my daughter doesn’t have any friends” I didn’t know what to say for real that time.

Run was the only thought in my mind so I did I ran away and out of the house as I ran down the stairs I saw the zombie I tried to be very quite so he wouldn’t see me but he still did I felt paralysed I stood in place and didn’t say anything I felt nothing, nothing…

A very dark, scary story with an unexpected ending. I love it!  You have also tried to use different sentence starters and used very effective descriptions and a good “voice” to tell the story.  Read through and add sentence punctuation to each sentence you have written.