Camp Green Lake

Dear Diary,

I am struggling to write to you as my hands are exhausted and my throat is :sore I had not had a sip of water.

After what felt like a lifetime on the bus I hade arrived at my dream place called Camp Green lake . I would have known that this is the worlds best Camp to visit . I was so desperate to go inside and visit all the wonderful people that must been enjoying . I really could not wait to play with the other children because we would have so much fun all together . Imagine the beds we would sleep on and we might even have room service . It would just be like I am at home, or maybe even like heaven . Imagine how the weather would be like and all the cool breeze air I would feel . At Camp Green Lake we might even go asleep later than we do at home because at home I have a bedtime what I have to follow everyday. It had felt like days I have been on the bus . Finally I was just outside heaven I was very excited . The bus driver said watch out I was not sure If he meant the steps of the bus or Camp Green Lake .

As I entered the camp I felt welcomed as the cold breeze air hit my face ! Then I saw a moody looking man with a gun and he was spitting out  sunflower seeds ! IN my opinion there was no life in Camp Green Lake there was no weeds and in many other places you can find lots of them . I wished I never chose Camp Green Lake I wish I chose jail. All the Camp was full of sand and tents I thought we would have proper beds which are comfortable . I hoped that the children could at least be kind and caring . I didn’t know why the name was Camp Green Lake when it wasn’t green or there wasn’t any lake. The name sounded just like it would of have been a holiday.

There I was thinking the Camp was bad! I hadn’t even bothered about the people,I would meet ! Besides the bus driver he was incredibly rude, how did I survive with him for 9 hours . I was soon taken to this lovely clean room! The room belonged to a scary looking man ! He told me his name was Mr Sir and I was really not sure if that was his real name or do others just call him that . Our conversation felt like a lifetime just like it did on the bus, I was standing for long I thought how rude of him he didn’t even bother asking me to sit down . Mr Sir kept giving me orders and he gave me my clothes to wear I for work and one pair for the rest of the day. Mr Sir told me I have to dig a hole everyday and it has to be 5 foot wide and 5 foot down then the rest of the day is mine. I was not aloud a drink for 18 months I really was puzzled. I was not sure if I was going to stay alive without a drink for 18 months, in this boiling desert. Then came a half as scary looking person as Mr Sir. He said his name was Mr Pendanski . I shaked his hand. I  have to say he was not scary he only had a burnt nose . He seemed like a respectful man ! He said he was my counsellor I was going to say I am innocient but I knew it would be pointless. Then walked past two boys which looked no where near friendly. Mr pendanski told them to come and shake my hand and introduce themselves. There faces were dripping with sweat and they were full of mud . It took me a minute to actually realise what they look like . The boys were rude and I soon realised that It will be tougher than I ever thought.

I have a real bed at home and I don’t have a real bed here I miss my parents. At camp I have to stich with some rude carers . I don’t have nice delicious food like I have at home . I wish I was at home I would of have been enjoying with my loving caring family. Everything will change by the time I am out of here. What if my parents move house leaving me forever? I miss my grandparents which are always funny . I actually had a real shelter at home I wouldn’t even call this Camp my home anymore. What a wast of my time it was to travel 9 hours on a Bus .It is boiling here.

LC:T12 To use character dialogue and action to advance events in narrative writing

Once in the far unknown woods  lived a little boy his name Is Luke he lived with his mother and his mother name is Sue . Luke and his mother weren’t happy as his dad died when Luke was young . Luke had nothing or no one to play with, he did not even go to school . One strange night Luke had a nightmare that he got attacked by zombies. Luke kept having nightmares and he told his mum, but his mum said just ,”don’t be worried nothing will happen”. In middle of the day Luke heard a banging noise from the kitchen and he got scared so his mother went to go check and it was a plate that smashed . The window was open so Luke’s mum thought it was the plate because the window was open .

At bedtime Luke heard a whistle noise from his back garden he looked through his window and he saw a shadow moving so, he told his mum and both of them went downstairs as slowly and carefully to check what or who it was in their garden ,downstairs in the garden was only Luke’s bike which fell and reflected on his window. They went back upstairs to their bedroom Luke asked his mum if he could stay with her for the night and she said yes .

Luke tried to tell his mum all the strange sounds he had heard for the past few weeks , but his mum never believed him. Luke got told to go to his room until his dinner is made , but then his mum remembered that here  was shut so Luke had to go to the shop and get a few water bottles . On the way to the shop he saw a few guys and they were talking loud so Luke went the other way to the shop so nothing happen’s. When I reached the shop the shop keeper was giveing  me some bad and dirty looks . After I made my way home and I gave the bottles of water to my mum . Then I helped setting out the table and getting out the plates and cups . When I got the plate’s out one of them smashed.

My mum sent shops once again and this time I had to get sun flower seeds from the store . I went to the shop and on the way I saw a persons hat and shirt lying on the ground and as I walked past I heard strange sounds again. I quickly rode my bike to the store and rode it back as I was scared because I started to hear strange sounds again . On the way back I fell over and I was badly hurt blood was dripping over my trousers so I walked home while holding my bike. Then I saw random people with weapon I was petreffied .The people were coming towards me and they badly injured me I could barely walk. I got home and told my mum she plastered me .

Luke is a kind and caring boy.

Some good ideas developed in the story. To uplevel it now, add some descriptions of characters and settings in the story and develop the last two sentences to give more details about the action here.