One night Caroline was sleeping and woke up from a squeaking noise under her bed. She looked under and found a mouse. Then! Mysteriously the mouse ran out of the room, so she followed it. When she was on the stair case she looked out of the window, seeing a spiral going around and around. She followed the mouse further. Then the mouse went into little door that she never noticed before, she was amazed! She opened the little door and found a tunnel. The wind was whistling through the tunnel. When she went in, it just went silent, hearing nothing each way around her. When she came to the other side, she opened the door and found herself in an identical world of her house.
Great descriptions today and you’ve led the reader through the scene using adverbials and conjunctions.
To uplevel this writing now, add some descriptions of how Coraline is feeling- is she excited and happy to go into this new world or is she worried and anxious about it?
I have quite a few talents. My most talented subject is maths. In maths, I can times by 10,100 and 1000 and coordinates are my strongest points, although now we are learning lots of new equations and my feelings towards maths might change. When I go to secondary school, I want to expand my knowledge about maths and hope to become good at those too. Now let’s get on with one of the most famous game in the world: “Minecraft”. A friend of mine let me play this game about 2 years ago, that was it…I was hooked! As time went on, I got better and better at the game so now I can build a lot of big buildings and I know loads of special features. In one of my worlds, I even made a working plane! That is quite hard to make in the game! I am good at making red stone buildings too.
My loves and passions
My favorite subject and love is space science. When I grow up I want to be a space scientist. Also I would love to work for NASA. NASA is a government agency that is responsible for making sure that the U.S. space program is only used to benefit mankind. Their mission is to explore space and flight research (aeronautics). NASA stands for National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
As I have grown up, I have always been interested in space; space travel, stars, planets and dreamed of being a astronaut. Last year I read about the Kepler space telescope and the how scientists are discovering new planets. They name the planets after the telescope, for example Kepler 22b. They have found a number of earth-like planets too which I have started making a PowerPoint presentation on. I think at this moment Astronomy is what I like best. Astronomy is the study of space, stars, planets, the sun, the moon, galaxies and more. Black holes are very interesting too.
In the future, I want somewhere to live and will need a good job to support myself. I would love to live in a mansion with a gigantic garden, with an indoor and outdoor Olympic sized swimming pool, fitness center and last, but not least, a games room.
I aspire to be a NASA scientist. To be hired as a NASA scientist, I need the minimum of a bachelor’s degree in physics, astronomy, astrophysics, geology and space science or a similar field. I also need to be good at keeping secrets. If I want to work for NASA, I will have to move to America. This all sounds exciting to me, although it’s going to be hard work!
It’s important to me because I like learning about space science.
LC to use character dialogue and action to advance events tn narrotivie writing
One day there was an man called Keving had just come back from work that when he saw his mirror light up. It looked like there was something opening up like a portal. he went towards it then he saw a dark and gloomy place inside. then he got dragged into the mirror. he looked around him in this dark place. he said “what is this place “. “this is the end nether dimension” whispered a voice behind him. “who was that” said keving.. keving was terrified.
“I am Ben” said that voice again.” hi” said keving” slowly walking towards him. he had build a small tent out of materials around the dimension . ” what is your name” said ben. ” my name is keving”. he gave me some food and something to drink.
then we herd a roar coming from the woods. ben said ” that’s a monster “. “what !” screamed Keving . “don’t worry it only sees us if where scared” said Ben. ” It could be any where” said Keving . “it won’t com here unless where scared ” said ben . they herd the roar again but it was louder. then I saw something move. “its coming towards us ! “I said.
It just whent passed me like it did not notice me. ” Ben are you ok ?” I asked . “yes”. Ben got up. it looked like it had steped on his finger . ” I think you’ve broken your finger”.
that was terrifying. it’s turning around oh no it see’s us . it is going to you first. don’t just stand there run! noo it ate ben. oh no it s coming towards me. then I woke up and realised it was a dream.
A good story Giuliano with lots of descriptions and powerful verbs used. Read through and add sentence punctuation (capital letters and full stops. Also, try to develop your ending so that the reader finds out why Kevin has the dream.