As the Coraline opened the huge gates,she felt happiness and relief in her body.After she opened the gates,bright orange birds came flying around as they were really excited.She followed the birds as they were showing her around.
Walking down the hard path,beautiful plants start growing,as the bird were flying all the way around.How can these flowers do this? Beaming red flowers started to light up which were as beautiful as the colour red.Usually the other world wasn’t like this ,but this world is bright,colourful and gleaming.Why can’t the other world be like this?
Later,the cheery birds flew away and randomly flowers started growing on the rock that was on the floor.Dazzling ,blue flowers also started growing on the rock ,as the were as blue as the night sky.
AS her dad from the other world offered to go with him on the grasshopper,she flew up in the sky as she saw her own face on the ground.Gorgeous red flowers came up as it was really bright.Who knew I would like this?
A detailed description of the scene and you have used different adverbials really well to “walk the reader” through the scene as Coraline does. Also try to set the atmosphere that things are unsettling and uncomfortable for Coraline in this scene too.
Surprisingly,this king had gifted his children a pet dragon for their birthday.Although the dragon could be dangerous,the king made a decision to give it to them.As the king knew the twins would rule one day,he thought the dragon was a good gift to them.We will be answering the question”Is it okay to gift someone something dangerous even though it could help them one day?”
Sometimes giving a pet dragon to people could help them however,sometimes it won’t help them.I think it is not good to gift the children a pet dragon.This is because the dragon could get angry and hurt the children,king and everyone else in the castle.This could happen if he”the dragon” is not trained well so something bad could happen.It could help them one day but it could also do some bad things.Would you gift your children a dangerous pet even though it could help them one day.?
By answering this question,I don’t think it is okay to gift them a dangerous pet.Even though it could help them one day,the pet is still dangerous.Is this how you would protect yourself?I disagree because the dragon has fire that could burn important things.Although the dragon has fire,it could burn down the kingdom and they will have no where to live.This is why there are reasons why you should not give your children a dangerous pet.
I understand that this could help them one day,but I gave my reasons why it is not okay to give children a dangerous pet.It seems like the king thinks it is a good gift to his children so that they could proctect themselves one day.Do you think it is a good gift?
Some good points in this discussion text, Evelyne. You have shown a range of year 6 writing skills today and produced an excellent discussion piece. It was an enjoyable read too!
Depressed,heartbroken and wishing it was over-Do you wish that this has never happened?Across the whole world countries has been in lockdown due to Corona Virus which has been spreading around the world.Although we want to meet friends and family,we all have to stay at home.Whilst in lockdown,we can’t see our family members like grandma’s and grandpa’s or aunties and uncles.What can we do? My name is Evelyne Anenou and I have designed “game frame”.This is a device that can be used without wifi.Instead of going on your phone or iPads you could go on game frame.You could watch anything you want and play games on game frame.Even though you are using wifi when you are on your phone on game frame you don’t need wifi.So what are you waiting for!Come and try this new device!
I have designed”gameframe” that can be used for everyone.This device,which is called the gameframe ,can be used anywhere. Although it can be used everywhere, it doesn’t need wifi for you is it. It’s can come in three different colours which are red,black and white.You could watch my any tv shows,listen to music and play games to make sure you don’t use a lot of wifi at your house.The gameframe,which will be able to charge,will work by using an iPhone charger to make sure it works. This will cost £150.Anybody could be buying the gameframe as it doesn’t need wifi.What are you waiting for!Come and buy this new device!
How is this different to a iPad or phone?
Although people use an iPad or phone,you could use the “gameframe” that is something different.This gameframe doesn’t use wifi as a phone or iPad does use wifi.You might use your phone or iPad ,but with gameframe you can use it as you are not spending too much time on your phone.You could use this anytime to make sure you don’t spend too much time on your phone.
Why did you not include the option of FaceTime?
When we designed the gameframe,we considered not to have FaceTime on it.This is because there are a lot of other devices that could allow you to FaceTime a family member or friend.It was designed to play games without using any wifi.This means that you don’t waste your wifi at your house.
Great writing, Evelyne- as always. I can see you have clearly thought about how you would persuade the dragons and used all the English skills taught to help you. Your product is unique and interesting and you have answered the questions carefully and thoroughly in the final paragraph. An excellent big write!
We have all been in lockdown for some weeks now.If you want to know how to survive in lockdown here are some ideas for you that you could do while at home.
- You could do things that you love like painting,drawing,baking and other stuff like that.
- If you have a trampoline you go on that do some tricks.
- If you have a back garden you could play around or do some exercise.
- You could go on electronics if you want.
- You could play game with your sisters and brothers or your mum and dad like uno,jenga and games like that.
Here are some rules to follow if you want to keep safe.
- You should always wash you hands after you went to the toilet.
- You should wash your hands before you eat and after you eat to make sure they are clean.
- When you sneeze put the tissue in the bin and wash your hands.
- When you also cough wash your hands too and keep safe.
- If you do all of they rules you will be safe.Make sure you do something active to keep you moving.
Evelyne, very well done. I love your overall message of staying moving and healthy and you have set your writing out in an appealing way using subheadings and bullet points.
I wonder what we would find in the blazing, green forest?.They were all best friends Rosie,sora and Jamie.They all liked to go exploring and see gorgeous leaves,stunning leaves and other lots of creatures.
Rosie,sora and Jamie were all walking to see if they had found anything so they could keep it for their collection but they had found nothing.All they could see was the rustling trees blowing away.
Although they just saw trees ,all of them saw different type of leaves that they all had never found before so they kept it for the collection.They kept walking and walking until they stopped so they could eat some food.Rosie forgot to bring some food so Sora and Jamie shared some food with her.
After they are some food, they wanted to explore more so they did.They couldn’t find nothing because none of my friends found nothing.Later,Sora found a couple of interesting leaves that she wanted so keep but I wasn’t interested didn’t know what to do because I didn’t find nothing at all so I was about to give up.
Immediately,Sora found something strange but it looked like a secret cave.We didn’t know how to open it so we tried to figure out how to open the secret cave.Jamie stepped on something and the cave opened.”Wow this is amazing”Sora exclaimed.We all went inside the secret cave
Jamie said”Are we even going to find something interesting”.”We might find something interesting if you stop talking.” We explored the secret cave to see if we would find something interesting.”It looks like we can’t find something interesting.”
When we opened it there was shining rings that glistened inside the cave.Red crystal Jewells were like a blue diamond in the sky.Sapphire diamonds were as clear as crystals.We were surprised that we have found gold in a secret cave because we have never found gold when we went exploring.
We counted how much gold there was and there was 500 gold in the box.”Someone must of left this box for someone else to find”said Sora.Sora,Jamie and I went out of the cave and never told anybody about the secret cave and the gold.We came back the next day to explore more.
When it was the next day we went back to the cave.Sora,Jamie and I all saw hidden diamonds in the rusty walls.”This is beautiful.”We found a hammer and we were trying to break through the rock to get all the diamonds that we saw.
Once we finished we took a look at them.They were blue like sky as they glistened beautifully.Sora decided we should make some necklaces out of them as they were really gorgeous.We all stood next to each other and realised that they connect and stick to each other.
We were really shocked that they connected to each other but they were gorgeous when we all wore are necklaces.”I can’t believe that we have found this much gold in a cave.” Jamie said”.
I wonder who has left this much gold in this huge treasure box?….
A nice idea for a story. To make it even better, develop a problem which would introduce a major problem for the girls- eg some robbers are also trying to find or take the treasures you discover and this leads to dangers and problems for the group of girls. They have to use bravery or their intelligence to find a solution to the problem.