DrawWorks Pitch

           DrawWorks Pitch

In 2020, family became an integral part of our lives: locked inside with your loved ones; makingnew wonderful memories; unable to buy decorations your house. Are you missing on this?

If yes, the answer is right in front of you! Luckily for you, DrawWorks provides hand-drawn portraits of your family. Expensive, time-wasting and ancient – this is not what the future of portraits hold. Our company does not support this and we are here to guide you on a journey of inspiration. DrawWorks, which is a brand new company, is the answer to the problem you did not know you had! Before you continue, ask yourself – Are you ready to see what true creativity looks like?

DrawWorks proudly provides personalised portraits of your family and friends, as to use as a special memory. Since shops have opened for only essential items, art has become nonexistent. Our company offers hand-drawn portraits of your choice; it does not matter what it is, we will do it! This perfect place is always located near the River Ouse, for the best views, while you sit back and relax while your picture is being drawn. Some people may want a portrait for themselves; others will buy a portrait for the whole family to send to relatives on the other side of the world. This all is possible with the small fee of £3! This is not only cheap, but affordable.

In the future, I plan to extend DrawWorks to outstanding heights. This all can happen by building more DrawWorks stations, decreasing the time it takes for a portrait and online/delivery services. DrawWorks plans to expand, not only in the UK, but the world! Unfortunately, this company can not continue without you. Buying our portraits, where 10% of our profit goes to NHS, will make our dreams to break free. I know that this small company can grow  your help, as everything works with a little push. If you are as invested in this as I am, if you know that that everything works with a little push, then DrawWorks is the choice for you. Thank you for taking your time to read this.


Well done Daivam. A beautifully written pitch with clear intentions. You have shown you know your audience and have provided lots of insentive. Good use of the A FOREST PIE features. Mrs Spenceley

Is it okay to give something dangerous, if it may help one day?

Is it okay to give something dangerous, if it may help one day?

A moment ago, we saw a picture of a story about a king who decided to give away a dangerous pet, which is a dragon, to his twins. The dragon is supposed to help them rule one day as kings sharing their kingdoms. The dragon will be a good ally of theirs and will help with ruling their kingdom. The king knew that the dragon will be dangerous, but it was worth the risk to help them make ruling their kingdom easier. All of this led us to one question, “Is it okay to give something dangerous, if it could help them one day?”

In my opinion, I think the king has made the right choice. This is because this will develop the responsibilities of the twins and will show that being King is is not easy and comes with many responsibilities. There are many ways to make the dragon safe if the dragon decides to be dangerous, so it will be perfect for the twins to have a dragon that could scare off offending enemies. The dragon will make ruling the kingdom much easier as the kids can focus on their duties and the dragon defending them and their kingdom. It might be a weapon for the children, but at least the weapon has low chances of being triggered against themselves. This weapon would be a toy gun in their perspective, and a heavy gun for other kingdoms. This is why kings will focus on attacking easier kingdoms rather than attacking a large kingdom with multiple allies on their side. The dragon might have to defend the kingdom when attackers attack the kingdom.

However there is an issue, the dragon can not help that much, so why give something potentially dangerous if it has no major use? Following on, there will be 2 kings as the same times, so they will be doing double the work, what will the dragon do that time? The twins will be doing the responsibilities and work two times faster. So there is no need for a pet if they are going to be busy doing their responsibilities while the dragon is doing nothing. Why should the king rely on a pet that will not help that much and waste their time instead of doing major things such as improving the kingdom. The dragon is also useless because it poses a serious danger to people the dragon may not know and may be new citizens. The dragon may be panicked and will be trying to destroy the citizen and thinks that it is an attacker.

In my opinion, I agree with the second paragraph: Not giving them a dragon. A dragon is a waste of time to take care of and they will need to hire people to take care of him, instead of the people have better jobs while the dragon does nothing. The dragon might protect, but there are such things that can also do it like an army. My advice for the king is to give the twins a better gift than this. As it might help in childhood, but in adulthood it will not. What is your opinion on this argument? Do you have a different response?

You have made very clear arguments for both sides of this discussion; detailing points well with evidence on both sides. You then conclude by making your reasoning clear on your opinion in the final paragraph. An excellent piece of writing, Daivam which uses a  good range of Year 6 writing skills too.

How to survive lockdown

            How to survive lockdown

    Since the UK has entered lockdown in 23rd March, many people are wondering how to survive 
lockdown. This text will give you information about what you need to do in order to get through
lockdown without being infected of coronavirus.
    The first step is to always stay at home, you have heard the NHS say, "Stay home, save
lives." several times. This is because you might have coronavirus in the past 2 weeks without
knowing and can infect about 3 people! Imagine the whole human population going outside if they
are infected (1,000,000), that will be 3 million people infected and they will not know! Make 
sure to stay away 2 meters from people as the NHS suggests, this will make the dust particles 
not reach you.

    But what if you need to desperately go outside? The NHS says you are allowed to go outside
if it is desperate. This includes: going grocery shopping, doing exercise or essential travel.
But do not go outside to visit family or friends as they may have Covid-19 without knowing!
My advice is to only go shopping twice a week, as many grocery stores might be crowded.

   How do I prevent it? First of all, drinking water will help you stay hydrated. Next, do not
forget you can stay in touch with family and friends over the phone or on social media, to help
you avoid feeling low or lonely. After that, try to build hobbies. You can cook, practice
a new instrument or try new activities. Do enough exercise, if you feel well.
   What are the symptoms of Covid-19? The first symptom is showing high temperature, this
means it is hot to touch your chest or back (you do not need to measure your temperature.)
Second is a continuous cough, you may have these at-least 3 times a day as a cough episode or
coughing for more than an hour. A shortness of breath is common with these symptoms, that means
you will have difficulty breathing. Many serious cases may lead to pneumonia, which can cause

Daivam, you know lots about the coronavirus and have written these well in this piece. You have 
organised your work into paragraphs and into sentence clusters about the same subject. Well done!

LC: T12 To use character, dialogue and action to advance events in narrative writing, Daivam, EDITED AGAIN


   The Battery.




Thousands of people climbed Mount Everest, and thousands yet failed to achieve the summit. Peter wasn’t one of them as he was an experienced mountaineer, he climbed mountains for a living. Peter had no idea that he was going to climb the greatest, largest mountain, Mount Everest.


Carol, a friend of Peter’s, was a newly Entitled Scientist, which are scientists who were sent on special missions. Carol knew about a battery stranded on Mount. Everest, that can end the whole of humanity. The battery, created by Baton, Europe’s most diabolical killer, releases a large amount of signals to every nuclear warhead in the world, and then detonates it. 


Carol knew somebody had to stop this madness, or soon he was going to have to say bye to his career and life. Carol is lucky to know a mountaineer, which is also his friend, Peter.  He told him all about his daring adventure. Peter was excited, he’d never been in Asia before, and Carol was willing to spend a fortune on tickets to Nepal. This will be Peter’s greatest summit.


It took 11 hours on the plane, and Peter was exhausted, he knew he had to book a hotel on Brivago. He’d finally departed the plane, and he was thrilled to know the beauties of the Nepalese Himalayas. He had to rent a car and drive an hour just to get to Camp.


Peter got equipped with: gloves and mittens, 5 coats and heavy trousers. He didn’t know why he had to use a flare gun, as there most likely wasn’t any help on Everest. Sherpas will soon guide him.


 He didn’t know it required so much for an ascent of the largest mountain in the world. Cooks, Sherpas, even specialized rescuers to help him out of large ropes were there. And he soon found the smallest bridge he’s ever seen in his entire life.


He’d made it to the first camp, and had soon found another climber in his tent, she was a solo mountaineer, whose name was Ava. He’d known he had to equip oxygen masks soon. He was sweating, and he was soon expecting an avalanche. The wind blasted in his ears and muffled everything he said. He arrived at Base Camp 2, and yet, no avalanche.  At the middle of Camp 2 and 3, it happened. Peter could see tents flying off, and had soon found out that his water supply his empty.


The avalanche finally ended, and he soon had found Camp 3. Oxygen was scarce, and Cooks and Sherpas fed as Peter and Ava filled up their water and oxygen. They hadn’t been sure they were going to make it. Peter had realized that Ava was also here for the battery.


They had found themselves on Base Camp 5. They found a bridge, Peter did it fast and got it over with, but Ava almost fell. But Peter grabbed her hand and saved her. They did it, and Baton was waiting there for them. But Baton fell with the battery.


You have created a range of sentence structures, good descriptions for characters and settings. Work on having a stronger story thoughout and find a way to resolve the problem in the story rather than the main character dying in the final sentence.

Complaint Letter 10/02/2020

Camp Green Lake,

Big Bends,

Calhoun County,


Rose Cottage,

Arliefield Road,



To whom it may concern,

20th of February, 1991, Monday.

           I am spending a moment of my time to write to you about the appalling treatment my son, Stanley Yelnats, is now receiving. On the 15th of February,   1991, I made the mistake of sending my beloved child to Camp Green Lake,        Juvenile Correctional Facility. I know he has made some poor decisions in his   life, but that does not mean you can treat my son like a slave! Are you trying   to get arrested, or do you not know how to treat children (prisoners)? In this letter, I am going to share the horrendous care my child has received in the    past few days.

          Stanley Yelnats has stated that there are dangerous animals, such as: scorpions, rattle snakes, and even lethal yellow-spotted lizards that can give   you a slow, poisonous, and painful death. This is not acceptable for young     children to walk in the desert where rattle snakes and deadly animals are       nearby.
         Furthermore, I have also heard from Stanley that you are giving         children sick nicknames, like "Armpit" or "Barfbag". Children are being named   disgusting things which will only worsen their behaviour, instead of "fixing"   it. My nerves are shattered hearing this inappropriate behaviour!
         Is this your version of better?

        Stanley has also insisted of talking about digging a 5 foot wide and 5   foot tall hole. May I ask, how does this fix the fact he committed a crime?     Not only that these holes are useless, the shovel is made to give children      blisters and sores, which there is no medical care to heal them! You are also   making them dig it in 60 degrees outside! This will lead to sunburns, burns and wounds. May I insist to say more about this ridiculous thing?

       Not only that, there is no proper "good" employees. Mr. Sir, who has quit smoking and spits sunflower seeds in a disgusting way, has threatened my son    to die if he dares to escape this hell hole! As there are "No fences or walls, and I won't waste a bullet on you". May I also say that my son's counsellor, Mr. Pendanski, is bullying a kid called "Zero", as he "Has no brain.", while he is treating other kids like he is their "Mom". May I say that the kids here are     also bullies? They are pinning my child to the ground, and giving him wounds    and scars, because he called him his real name, Theodore.
      So, following this, I demand a $560 for my medical bills for my son's      scars, wounds and blisters, and following your employees fired from their jobs  as they clearly do not know how to deal with children. I also demand a new     technique to dealing to children, rather than digging a hole in 60 degrees!      Furthermore, medical training for new employees so they can help wounded and   hurt children. And in addition, I want my son, Stanley Yelnats IV, to be        immediately departed from Camp Green Lake, Juvenile Correctional Facility. I    demand these things by the 8th of March. If you do not consider these things, I will see you in court the next 6 months whenever I am free.

        Yours Faithfully,
  Mr. Daivam-Florian Rizescu. (Yelnats)

Continue reading Complaint Letter 10/02/2020