As the Coraline opened the huge gates,she felt happiness and relief in her body.After she opened the gates,bright orange birds came flying around as they were really excited.She followed the birds as they were showing her around.

Walking down the hard path,beautiful plants start growing,as the bird were flying all the way around.How can these flowers do this? Beaming red flowers started to light up which were as beautiful as the colour red.Usually the other world wasn’t like this ,but this world is bright,colourful and gleaming.Why can’t the other world be like this?

Later,the cheery birds flew away and randomly flowers started growing on the rock that was on the floor.Dazzling ,blue flowers also started growing on the rock ,as the were as blue as the night sky.

AS her dad from the other world offered to go with him on the grasshopper,she flew up in the sky as she saw her own face on the ground.Gorgeous red flowers came up as it was really bright.Who knew I would like this?

A detailed description of the scene and you have used different adverbials really well to “walk the reader” through the scene as Coraline does. Also  try to set the atmosphere that things are unsettling and uncomfortable for Coraline in this scene too.