LC to use character dialogue and action  to advance  events tn narrotivie writing

 

One day  there was an man called  Keving  had just come back from work that when he saw  his mirror light up.  It looked like there was something opening  up  like a portal. he went towards it then he saw a dark and gloomy place inside. then he got dragged into the mirror. he looked around him in this  dark place. he said “what is this place “. “this is the end nether dimension”  whispered  a voice behind him. “who was that” said keving.. keving  was terrified.

“I am Ben” said that voice again.” hi” said keving” slowly walking  towards him. he had build a small tent  out of materials around  the dimension . ” what is your name” said ben. ” my name is keving”. he gave me some food  and something to drink.

then we herd a roar coming from the woods. ben said ” that’s a monster “. “what !” screamed  Keving . “don’t worry it only sees us if where scared” said Ben. ” It could be any where” said Keving . “it won’t com here unless where scared ” said ben . they herd the roar again but it was louder. then I saw something  move. “its coming towards us ! “I said.

It just whent passed me like it did not notice me. ” Ben are you ok ?” I asked . “yes”. Ben got up. it looked like it had steped on his finger . ” I think  you’ve broken your finger”.

that was terrifying. it’s turning around  oh no it see’s us .   it is going to you first.  don’t just stand there run! noo it ate ben. oh no it s coming towards me.  then I woke up and realised it was a dream.

 

A good story Giuliano with lots of descriptions and powerful verbs used.  Read through and add sentence punctuation (capital letters and full stops.  Also, try to develop your ending so that the reader finds out why Kevin has the dream.