“DON’T HURT MY CHILD!”Slayer’s mother cried out loud .”YOU LIED TO ME ! SLAYER WILL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN ME WHEN SHE GROWS UP!!” The king yelled back furiously.”I’m sorry ..JUST DON’T HURT MY DAUGHTER “The queen shouted.” NOOOO! MAMA!”Slayer cried as something unexpected happened..”What did you do dad?YOU KILLED HER!Get ready ! I will come back and you will pay for it..”Slayer yelled with tears ..
“AHHHHHHH”Slayer woke up breathing heavily as she dreamt of what happened in the past .Her friend ,Lisa came in slamming the door “Are you ok?” “Yea I’m okay ” Slayer replied. ,Slayer curiously asked.”ITS YOUR 19th BIRTHDAY”Lisa happily said, while Slayer widen her eyes ,knowing that she will be 20 next year and her true power will come .Slayer decided to have a little holiday at her kingdom ,Oceana kingdom
“I will be gone for a few months ”Slayer said nervously “Where?Can I come ?” Lisa replied “ Umm I will be visiting my Mother.However she doesn’t like people that much ” Slayer said while acting.
A few months later at Oceana Kingdom…..”WOOOWOOOOW!” Slayer yelled as she was enjoying her self flying around like the old days, using her black wings.
Growing up was difficult for Slayer.Being a princess while learning at a mystical academy sounds easy ,but it was the opposite for Slayer .Everyone would always avoid her ,since her father ,the king ruled the nightmare kingdom ,where all of the bad and dangerous immortals lived.
A few hours later , Slayer was playing with her powers while looking at the night sky .“I wonder what type of other powers I will have …” Slayer whispered softly ,while blasting purple fire at the dark blue sky. She then decided to have a little run since she wasn’t feeling tired. As soon Slayer came out side ,she immediately turned into her wolf form. Her eyes widen quickly that her fur is not dark anymore it’s getting brighter.Slayer then arrived at the evil part of the kingdom ,where she saw her father talking about Lisa ……Slayer then knew that Lisa is in great danger.Trying to not make a sound ,Slayer turned around quietly… When suddenly “got you ” a muscular demon said while grabbing onto Slayer’s shoulders
Slayer quickly turned into Vampire form as her eyes turned cherry red and her barbed fangs came out.She kicked the man on the face and the shin making himself fall on the ground.Taking this opportunity,Slayer ran away using her super speed .
. 3 days before Slayer’s 20th b-day
After weeks ,Slayer has been having nightmares about her past .
1 day before Slayers birthday
“Let me go!!”Lisa yelled as she was chained on the wall in a dungeon.“Wait for tomorrow ” The king replied …. However the king doesn’t know it Slayers b-day..
The king told Slayer what happened…
The shocking news made Slayer furious that her hair turned into flames and her eyes turned red .She rushed to the kingdom.”How dare you!!”Slayer angrily yelled with tears as her father killed Lisa in front of Slayer .With all her hatred ,h she killed the king ……..
I love the way you “hook” the reader into your story by using speech in a shouting style. I do think you use too much speech throughout the story and this distracts the reader. Read through and edit your work by taking out mos of the dialogue and replace it by describing your characters and settings and develop the action and problem in the story using powerful verbs.