The visit

Chelsea entered the magical world. When she entered the wind blew in her face and she heard the leave swishing. The trees danced while the wind screamed through the branches. The lone girl stood there in shock. Chelsea was so amazed that she didn’t want to leave. Her sister was following her.

Sneak attack

As her sister Naylah followed her she creeped on her and scared her sand she was scared to death so she was so mad and she shot at her.

The quake

When they were running back to their hose they were running with fear they were getting even more frightened.  They kept running until they get home. They were running as fast as they could because they didn’t want to get hurt.

The come back

They finally got out of the new world they discovered but when they got home something was of the ground started shacking. It was shacking like an earth quake. They quickly ran home because they didn’t want to get hurt.

 

A good outline story Naylah. You have followed the story structure given to you. I think this story could do with a little more detail and different sentence types to really draw the reader in.