A mysterious glow came out of the tunnel.

Walking in Nelly gazed at all he greenery ahead of her wondering what is on the other side, with a feeling she has dreamt of this before but can’t remember how it ends.

“Did this dream have a reason?” Nelly asked herself. Nelly comes from a small village far away from to see if the dream has a meaning. She knows her father will already be in tears. Finally, Nelly decided to go through the tunnel just a quick look on the other side as soon as she got in she was surrounded by fresh green leaves when in the middle she decides to turn back it was already dark as her fierce eyes she was going to sleep there until morning light. Just as Nelly got up,  she found the exit was gone there was only one thing left to do go into the portal or stay there. After a while,  Nelly decided to go through the tunnel because if there was a job to do the exit would come back.

Sweet smells filled up both of Nelly’s nostrils as she entered the portal. But she found no one was eating sweets; there was a whole candy land! But a strange one: it was all black and white the spooky kind. Nelly had to find help and fast she started worrying then said to herself imagine you being Nelly lost in a giant candy land not knowing what to do, imagine being Nelly sitting down all alone, imagine being Nelly not finding help when you need so much. Not long after  Nelly stood up and ran as fast as she could, over the marshmallow bridge , round the chocolate fountain and so on. The sun started smiling as Nelly found a creature however it was stuck. Nelly thought that was why she was Called there to save the creature, so she found a long and strong piece of lemon grass slid it under the rock and tied the other end on a log on the cliff then pulled the dragon came out and it actually spoke. Nelly got so scared that she even fainted.

Startled, Nelly woke up to find she was in a cave. Hidden in the shadows behind her poked out a tip of something. A wing? But it was shove red in scales the creature came out and Nelly found … A DRAGON!

“Don’t worry I won’t try to scare you we have all been waiting for you.”

“Me.”Nelly said confused .

“Yes you we need you to solve our problem.”said the dragon.

“Ok but first what is your name?”Nelly asked

“My name is Sophia.”the dragon replied proudly

“Then Sophia will you take me to solve his problem of yours.” Nelly said

“Of corse Sophia said hop on my back.”

Nelly hoped on and if they flew.

Sophia flew swiftly and slowly until Nelly discovered a gargantuan cave. Sophia flew down there as Nelly thought about what was going to be in there. Both of them walked in cautiously to find a giant chair, it looked so fluffy. Down came a giant sized dragon and landed upright in the chair. Sophia bowed down and so did Nelly .

“The chief said there is no need for you to bow down to me Nelly you are our saviour .”

“What do you mean?” questioned Nelly.

” Do you see all of the fur on this chair this is all the evil I have deafened but now they are sending all of them we need you to take them all down.”

“ No! I might get killed getting killed will be worse than being stuck here forever!” angrily, she stomped of. Sophia called after her but she did not listen.

Nelly, who was tired of running, realised she should have helped so she turned around and walked all the way back.one she reached the cave she found the chief on his chair.

“I am really sorry chief I just really wanted to go home.” Nelly said, full of fear.

“It is ok but now will you help solve our problem?”

” Yes I will.”

So Nelly took the sword chief had given her and started fighting and fighting. Two weeks later, all of the evil was gone. Nelly told Sophia and she almost cried. Chief heard as well and said she could go home. That is what she did. She kept visiting but never told anyone, ever again.

Well done, you have followed the story structure and included some different sentence types to engage the reader. Some more developed description might have helped your reader imagine what was happening in the story better. 

Space adventure

There was a little farm girl called Debbie, she lived near a forest and ate vegetables. She had pigs so she played with them. Everyday she rolled in the mud with the pigs. She had a little dog called Moto Moto ,  there was a forest she never went to because she thinks there are dangerous animals living in their den waiting to strike at any moment. The little girl had a argument with her parents that day, she was that angry that she went into the forest without noticing . She felt peaceful there and calm then she looked left and right then she turned her head to the left and a tunnel appeared she knew it was not there before and fainted.

After recovering, Debbie slowly went in the tunnel and realised the gravity was altered. She jumped as high as she would on the moon she saw a teleportation device it looked mysterious it was going somewhere she saw a button saying Mercury.

Debbie pressed it she went flying like there was zero gravity it was a blue and purple vortex she went down in she never experienced anything like this before. She was closing her eyes most of the way she stopped and her heart was vibrating at a rapid pace. She was in a room filled with food and other things you need to survive she looked on her right there was a space suit she put it on and it acted like a vacuum to fit her body.

“It is comfortable “ she said, relieved.

She went on the  surface of Mercury it was scorching hot but she did not feel the heat the surface looked like it was the Earth with no water 💧. She went on and on looked at the sun for a millisecond she was blinded, she flipped the gold visor on and saw the sun in its true beauty.

Debbie landed on the surface of Venus. She did some research and she forgot her phone but she does have a telescope and grabs a bag from the chamber. She jumped high so she could get a little bit of the atmosphere. Debbie does some research and found  an extremophile on Venus she knew it was an extremophile because Venus is so hot that it snows metal on it and the planet sweats. One of the most well known extremophiles is the tardigrade, also know as the water bear, all extremophiles are microscopic, it is not visible to the human eye, unless you use a microscope. Some people think it’s ugly but Debbie thinks it’s fascinating because the tardigrade can not eat or drink for more than 36 years and can survive in space.

Debbie was trying to teleport and suddenly a tear appears and she gets lost in space, a black hole was nearby⚫️. She screamed at the top of her lungs. She saw two portals one was back to the solar system and one was somewhere else she panicked and chose the right one she was right, she went back home 🏡 . She missed her parents and hugged them crying and said “I missed you “

Then her parents said “why?”

It turns out it was a dream so she went back to bed with the device under her bed.

You have really included your favourite subject as the centre of this story. It is important to maintain a focus but also remember that you are writing a story so try to not overload it with facts. You have included a small amount of speech but I would have liked to have seen more and some different sentence types that were given to you as examples. 

The story

As I started the journey through this incredible long tunnel I stepped in and started to get a breeze I kept on walking .It went colder and colder. As I was getting closer it felt like I was in ice and snow. I finally made it half way. It started getting warmer. As I took a step it was like the first half was just filled with snow and ice and the other half filled with radiation anyway I started to see some lights in the distance it was so close that I arrived.

After several hours walking though the tunnel I was looking towards the glistening stars in the lit up, delightful fortune. The city glowed in the sunless sky and the skyscraper are modern but actually it not. Loads of paranormal activity happens in the skyscraper, like ghosts moving certain and doors and blinds and the same time and mostly does it at midnight before this became a city it was a humongous hospital that served people though the Civil  war. It got knock down during the seventeens and then got made into a modern looking city when people go to sleep they will get nightmares!!! No one can escape.

As I walked in this futuristic metropolis all, there were was a sea of skyscraper while I were walking pass five outstanding detail piece of work. As I look at this piece of work, I was amazed. All the buildings were made from some wood and brick so it will give texture. From last time when I finished searching thought latest metropolis after that I saw someone near the entrance of a hotel. I saw a person near the entrance he went behind the pole and disappeared in thin air. It was like a ghost anyway I went to my room 372 and I turned the tv on. Paranormal investigators called and said leave the building were going into lockdown.

After the paranormal investigators, left I went back up to my room. I was knocked out because of how sleepy I was. After several hours I eventually woke up and went to get a cup of coffee. After I had finished making it, I drank it down. Then I saw an old building that was probably built in the seventies. It was near this abandoned grave yard that no one ever saw because there is a brick wall covering it .

You have created an interested story. There is lots of description. It would have been nice to see speech as that was one of your steps to success and more of a structure, using the one that was given to you. 

Hope’s story

Sophie started to step forward she felt a warm breeze hit her face for a second, but as she set off for her mysterious journey she was wondering. Where will this lead me? Will it be hot or cold? Is it a treasure hunt? Is there a treasure map?

Lots of thoughts were running through Sophie’s head. She was excited, happy and wondrous, she was a bit worried and scared about her parents.

Sophie was nearly at the end when when someone was calling her name. She turned around, it was Sally Sophie’s best friend. Now Sophie felt safe and not as scared. As they started to walk to the end they saw a little door. They were confused. How they could get through? they looked around. Around the corner of a bush was a little table, that had 2 bottles of water that had a note on it saying “drink me.” So they did. Miraculously, they were small enough to fit through the door…

Once they went through the door to the unknown universe, they saw a cake on the floor.

“This has to be a dream.” said the girls at the same time.

It was real. The girls walked towards a palace. They were stopped by 2 baby polar bears. They were so cute that they had to stroke them. “The snowmen well are talking.” said Sally well that’s what they thought. 2 boys popped their heads out from behind the snowmen. the boys started to laugh at them. The girls weren’t happy.

“Who are you.” said the boys

“That’s what we were going to say.” said Sally “we are Sophie and Sally”

“We are Joe and John.” said the boys “why don’t you come in our ice place?” said Joe

“Sure why not.” said the Sally. the girls went in and they were speechless it looked so comfy and felt warm.

“We have a sister will you like to meet her? said Joe

“Sure why not.” said sally.

They met the boys sister but they had to have a conversation and the girls saw it was getting a bit late so they went home and had tea and then went to bed thinking about what happened to day.

The next day, the girls went back to the other world. They found the boys on the other side of the door. As they went in, they saw a rabbit. She was called Bella. She could talk thought Sally. Bella showed the girls around the forest and all the animals were related to snow.
“This is a cool forest.” Said Sophie
“Maybe we should go home it is getting really cold.” said Sally
“We will come back tomorrow .”

The next morning, Sophie and Sally were going to the ice world but something was wrong! The door was broken and no one was inside. All of a sudden they heard screaming. They knew who it was.

“Wait now I know what this place is from. The Ice legend. She freezes people and cool things into ice sculptures.” said Sophie
“WE HAVE BEEN TRICKED!” screamed Sally
The girls went up to them but Loren, the boys mum, nearly got the girls. They tried to trick them by pretending to work with them but they did not buy it.

Two days later the ice family moved into the house right next to them and they never attacked again.



A lovely story Hope. You have followed the story structure and created your own characters. Well done. 

the magical world

The visit

Chelsea entered the magical world. When she entered the wind blew in her face and she heard the leave swishing. The trees danced while the wind screamed through the branches. The lone girl stood there in shock. Chelsea was so amazed that she didn’t want to leave. Her sister was following her.

Sneak attack

As her sister Naylah followed her she creeped on her and scared her sand she was scared to death so she was so mad and she shot at her.

The quake

When they were running back to their hose they were running with fear they were getting even more frightened.  They kept running until they get home. They were running as fast as they could because they didn’t want to get hurt.

The come back

They finally got out of the new world they discovered but when they got home something was of the ground started shacking. It was shacking like an earth quake. They quickly ran home because they didn’t want to get hurt.


A good outline story Naylah. You have followed the story structure given to you. I think this story could do with a little more detail and different sentence types to really draw the reader in. 

The fusion

One night Mea was dreaming of a tunnel and the next morning Mea awoke from her slumber and she was in tunnel she dreamt about. As she walked, she could felt a force pushing her back and she could not take another step. Then she saw a light, it must be the end of the tunnel. She thought that she could grab the trees beside her and then almost instantly the force stopped pushing her as if it was a test and if it was, she had passed. Then she walked towards the light. After one hour, she had only made it halfway.

Mea was walking the last meter to the end of the tunnel and then she tripped over a living, breathing, red baby dragon that spoke English. Do you want to have an adventure with me?” said Mea.

“Yes I would like that very much.” Said the dragon.

“You need to have an adventure or you will be a loser and who wants to be a loser. Well not me anyway.” Joked Mea.


“So can we start our adventure now?” Said Mea.

“Oh yes I forgot to tell you my name and it is Max.” Said the dragon. Walking towards a magical tree that gave Mea the power to materialize objects out of thin air, she made a steel sword that had a button on the side of the handle that when you press it the hole blade lit on fire. Then Max realised that he could shoot fire out of his mouth and it can get so powerful that it can obliterate a mammoth spider which is the strongest monster and anyone or anything like a three headed bull, mole people, red eyes black dragon and a T-Rex which is armoured with a titanium exoskeleton and equipped with laser cannons on the side of it’s mouth.


“Can we make an underground home?” Said Mea.

“I don’t see why not.” Said Max.

Three hours later they have finally made the underground home. “How about you go take a walk and when you come back I will have made it some adjustments and maybe there will be a some thing  waiting for you when you come back.” Said Mea.

“Sounds like fun.” Said Max.

I wonder what Mea is going make? Thought Max. Max’s surprise was ember armour that’s made from real ember dragon scales. One hour later Max returned from his walk and he saw the ember armour on the stand and he was so happy that he was bouncing off the walls and actually breathed fire.

“Did you know that ember armour gives my type of dragon more power?” Said Max.

“And your type of dragon is?” Said Mea.

“My type of dragon? I’m an ember dragon of course.” Said Max


Then when they were under a bridge training, they ran as fast as they could into each other to activate a fusion power, and a fusion of Mea and Max was created. They had a sword made of pure fire and an absorbing monster tried to steal the fusion power for himself but Mex cut the monster in half and they separate and became themselves again.

Mex is the fused name of. Mea and Max


Well done Mason, what an exciting story. You have followed the story structure but have come up with your own characters and the exact plot. You have begun to add some detail. 

Mount Vesuvius


Mount vesusius is located in Naples, Italy and the huge mountain is very famous. Mount vesusius is 400,000years old and is 2000 feet deep. The volcano is 4203 feet tall and at the peak of the cone it is a large hole wich is 1000 feet. mount vesusius has a bole distsnce of 48.3 km.


did you know that oldest known eruption was in 79 ad unlike other volcanos mount vesusius has erupted over 200 times.The 79 ad eruption lasted more than 24 hours. The last majour eruption killed 26 people and injured 12,000 people. The most recent eruption happened in August 2020.


The boiling hot  lava from mount Vesuvius is 300c or 500f. another amazing fact is lava killed 30,000 people in 79 ad. Lava obliterated Herculaneum. The 79 ad eruption destroyed roman cities.

Other information

Mount Vesuvius was found by Rocco giachino de alubiere in 1748. only active volcano on the main land of Europe. 3,000,000 people live near the volcano so this means if the volcano erupts again these people will be in big danger. Mount Vesuvius is famous for its large 1944 eruption.

Mount Vesuvius


Mount Vesuvius  is 25,000 years old and it is 4,200 feet 1,280 meters. It is in Naples, Italy. The volcano is the most dangerous volcano in the world. The volcano killed 16,000 people it is formed from 2 volcanos.


The volcano has erupted more than 200 times. The lava is called Andesite. Before the 79AD eruption volcanoes did not have a name then the Romans called them volcanos after the god Vulcan.

The future Predicion is that it is that the volcano is really active the earliest eruption was in 2020.

fun facts

It is the only volcano on the main land of Europe that erupted in the last 100 years the eruption in 79 ad lasted for more than 24 hours  the city Pompeii were destroyed after they were berried. under meters of ash and volacanic matirial .


mount vesuvius

history facts

mount erupted moor than 50 times and moor than 200 times.The last eruption hapend in 1944,which was a very long time ago, and people didn’t know they lived next to a volcano which  cud erapt eany second.

deadly facts

did you know ashis of mount Vesuvius are very deadly because of that there is lava in the volcano the ashis are very dedly. mount Vesuvius has smooth lava that makes the lava and the volcano so deadly. Ashes of the volcano comes out cold for some reason.

other facts

unlicke over volcanos mount Vesuvius is in Italy,noples and the volcano is so dangres because the mount destrouid thousend of homes in noples. did you know volcano was active for 100 years before it erupted .

fun facts

surprisingly mount in 2013 was 4,203 foot tool. The volcano is made out of two volcanos. The volcanos were not named because the romans didn’t know what the volcanos were but when the first eruption hapend they named the volcanos  volcanos.


Mount Vesuvius


Mount Vesuvius is about 4,200 feet high, but it changes after every eruption.However the cone is 305 meters long and 2,000 feet long.The hole was found in the 1944.Something about the volcano its caused by breakdown of Mount Somma.


The lava is reddish and yellow,although the lava’s temperature is 1,200 deggres .Mount ,Vesuvius is mostly famous for the 79AD eruptions. When it explodes it carries large bolders into the air. Mount, Vesuvius is one is one of the most dangerous volcanos in the world because 3,000,000 people live near the volcano .Mount, Vesuvius is also dangerous beacause people live near it than any other volcano. The most famous eruption was on 24th August when it destroyed the Roman cities of Pompei and Herculaneum.

History of Mount Vesuvius.

Mount, Vesuvius is loctated in Napels , Italy .However its the only volcano located in the mainland of Europe. The last eruption , which was in 1944,destroyed 3 villigas. Mount, Vesuvius has erupted more than 200 times. Its actually made out of 2 volcanos.

Fun Facts.

The volcano has destroyed many cities for example :the acient  Roman cities of Pompei.Before calling it a volcano they called it a Vulcan. The initial mushroom cloud in the 79AD eruption,shot 20 miles into the air. It also famous for the 24 hour last erouption.